Physical Attractiveness and the “Nice Guy Paradox”: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last?

Robert Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy. A collective set of behaviors and attitudes that are collectively agreed upon to contribute to the general well-being and functioning of society. Nice Guys inherently lack social status , so they try to compensate for it in other ways — being nice, being one of them. Life is not about getting everyone to approve of you and avoiding all conflict and friction and keeping everything smooth. If anyone asked me to sum up the predominant mental attitude of a Nice Guy, it would have to be fear rooted in powerlessness. Nice Guys love ideas, theories, and intellectualism because they offer a brief respite from their overwhelming sense of powerlessness in the real world. Nice Guys tend to have a very structured, dogmatic, and angular view of reality. When this paradigm starts to break down, Nice Guys become very isolated.

Hey there, I’m Sim

A nice guy is an informal term for an often young adult male who portrays himself with characteristics such as being agreeable , gentle , compassionate , sensitive and vulnerable. When used negatively, a nice guy implies a male who is unassertive or otherwise non-masculine. It is also often used particularly in the context of dating [1] to describe someone who pretends to possess “nice guy” characteristics and uses acts of friendship and basic social etiquette with the unstated aim of progressing to a romantic or sexual relationship.

Every woman has had a friend who dated a guy who was clearly bad news, to cite nice-guy traits, like honesty, trustworthiness, and respectfulness. I had a number of people in my life question what I was doing with him.

They might start off as backhanded compliments, such as how you look better without makeup or how cute your hair was when it was shorter. Nice Guys are insecure, and those insecurities will always be forced onto you. Because Nice Guys always feel like the world is against them, they assume that every other man out there is competition in their quest to get laid or find love.

And then when things start to go wrong…. Nice Guys will always find a way to shift the blame to protect their own self-image. If you believe that communication can solve most problems in relationships, you have a long road ahead of you with a Nice Guy. Their words will be empty. Many Nice Guys seem to believe that proclaiming their Niceness is all they need to do to convince the world of how Nice they are.

You immediately connect with an awesome coach on text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here …. Averi Clements Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu blue belt. She’s currently hanging out in Costa Rica with her cat and a lot of really big bugs. By Sarah Burke. By Kate Ferguson.

Nice Guy Syndrome 101 – What You Can Do About It

Women want a man who will take the lead and show them rather than having to exercise power over the situation. They do not like being involved in games, and too often they believe games are being played when the man is leading them to nowhere. The guy often does not know what he wants or what he wants to do, meaning he is plan-less and clueless, so will do whatever she wishes to do, making the situation worse.

Women can see a nice guy coming when he agrees and goes along with just about everything she says and wants to do. One result of the Nice Guy Syndrome is once he is involved with a woman, he gives up control of his own life to accommodate hers. This is not an issue of the guy not having any self-respect, but more of being willing to compromise his own values and beliefs to be with the woman he wants.

Real Nice Guy: Helps you with your problems and provides an amazing friendship without getting angy if you don’t want to have sex with him, or date him,​.

Last Updated: May 13, References. To create this article, volunteer authors worked to edit and improve it over time. There are 20 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been viewed 8, times. Learn more If you pay attention to stories told by women, you may have heard of the self-proclaimed “nice guy”: a man who pursues women whether they say yes or no, demanding affection in return for his advances, and often becoming resentful when people don’t give him what he wants.

To succeed in dating and in life, you need to be a good guy instead of merely being “nice. Note: This article focuses on straight men, since this is the common and stereotypical demographic of “nice guys.

Why Women Find “Bad Boys” So Attractive, Even Though We Know They’re Trouble

After breaking up with my long-term boyfriend , I quickly learned that putting yourself out there is really just a shortcut to feelings of disappointment and, well, emotional pain. So why am I wasting time looking for the catch? Whenever I share my happy news of seeing a genuinely nice guy being clouded by my expectation that the other shoe—whatever it may be—is bound to drop, people seem to get me. In fact, many others have issues accepting sincere kindness from a new flame.

Any woman who ever entered the dating shark-tank has come across the self-​professed nice guy, who claims to be decent and sweet yet easily.

In this article I interview Dr. Nice Guy to answer all of these questions and more. Nice guys also typically have a generalized feeling of frustration and maybe resentment in life. Being nice to people, buying them drinks, doing things for them, fixing their problems, volunteering to help their sister move etc. Well, the other person might not have even wanted you to do the things you did for them.

They probably just thought you were doing it because you wanted to. But no. We had a covert contract there, I was giving to get, and I expect you to give back to me and to treat me well in return. And add to that, nice guys are generally terrible receivers. It makes us feel bad or guilty to receive. But how are we going to do everything right?

Submission Rules

The nice guy stereotype asserts that, although women often say that they wish to date kind, sensitive men, when actually given a choice, women will reject nice men in favor of men with other salient characteristics, such as physical attractiveness. To explore this stereotype, two studies were conducted. In Study 1, 48 college women were randomly assigned into experimental conditions in which they read a script that depicted 2 men competing for a date with a woman. The niceness of 1 target man’s responses was manipulated across conditions.

The nice guy stereotype asserts that, although women often say that they wish to date kind, sensitive men, when actually given a choice, women will reject.

In fact, I have a tendency to date d-bags. The ones that are arrogant. The ones that lie, cheat, and lie again. The ones that withhold affection in order to gain power. How could I know that I have the tendency to do exactly this and yet continue to dive headfirst and knee-deep into the highs that come with catching the one who saves his affections only for the women ready to believe him? These men all share qualities that are not innately bad— in fact what makes these men appealing are the good qualities they all share: confident, outspoken, self-assured, aware.

But in no time, he reveals that that confidence was truly arrogance and a lack of concern for others. The outspokenness a mask for unapologetic tactless, rude and inappropriate outbursts. The awareness a tool for understanding and manipulating his captive audience. Well, women just like the challenge! Women inherently want to change, fix or save people!

Clearly women who love d-bags have daddy issues. Those reasons make me cringe. I thought I had to settle and adopted exactly that same type of bullshit guess-some-things-never-change attitude.

The New Nice Guy: How to date and be decent in 2020

I always appreciate it when a topic for an article happens to fall into my lap. Whiskey all the while cursing my laptop for betraying me by not magically producing the pages that the DMT elves promised me. The Nice Guy spends his time trying to be as close to his designated crush as possible — after all, the more time he gets to spend with her, the more opportunities she gets to recognize his inner stud-muffin.

The problem is the multitude of men who claim to be that “nice guy,” while at the same time Should be attracted to them or want to date them.

You met him through mutual friends, or at a bookstore, or at church. He asks you out for coffee first, then dinner. He dresses very well. He responds to your text messages in a reasonable amount of time. On your first date he holds open the door, tells you that you look lovely, and at the end of the night he insists that he pay when you try to reach for the check. When you get home you tell your friends all the details, from the way he quietly touched your hand, and how he gave you a small kiss goodnight.

You start to date. He asks about your day and remembers to mention something you told him last time. You are actually ok with introducing him to your parents and when he does, he has very intelligent things to say to them.

5 Signs Of Nice Guy Syndrome

You have listened to her complain about the jerk who treated her badly countless times only to watch her go out with him again and again. All of your selfless acts fall by the wayside only to hear about her mistreatment the following week. When will she wake up? When will she realize that there is a nice guy who will treat her the way she deserves to be treated sitting right here?

In fact, most men have, at one point or another, uttered the phrase, “Nice guys finish last” as a way to explain their dating problems, single statuses, and more.

Every time I meet someone I feel like they immediately put me in the nice guy category. Most women don’t want to date me or put me in the friend zone right off the bat. Don’t women want to date nice guys? Why does this always happen to me? I’m always wary of the self-proclaimed ‘ nice guy. You’re a type 3 nice guy who thinks that women should want to date you and fuck you because you’re a nice guy.

You’re wrong, though. Which is why you always get put into the ‘friend zone’ which is a term I despise because the people who complain about being put into the friend zone are often type 3 nice guys. I have more respect for assholes masquerading as nice guys because at least those dudes are sneaky and self-aware enough to know that most self-respecting women don’t go for assholes. So they pretend to be nice guys to get laid.

The Problem with Over-Friendly People